| 1. Well before treatment is needed, help | | | | at the time, their child may have been |
| your child to prepare emotionally for | | | | older, more outgoing, or have had |
| medical procedures. Play “dentist,” | | | | previous positive experiences with |
| “doctor” or “hospital,” read | | | | medical/dental visits. The procedure may |
| relevant books about children having | | | | also have been different and not as |
| medical treatment. To help your child | | | | difficult. |
| become familiar with medical instruments | | | | 6. Ask for a detailed, step-by-step |
| before treatment is needed, find real | | | | description of what will happen during |
| instruments (such as a rubber pick and | | | | the entire appointment. If the staff is |
| plastic dental mirror) or create | | | | reluctant to give this information to |
| “play” ones (such as using a piece | | | | you, go elsewhere. When my son needed |
| of fabric as a blood pressure wrap). | | | | surgery, I asked for and received a very |
| Medical treatment can be frightening to | | | | detailed description of the procedure. |
| a child, especially if there are too | | | | Unfortunately, I was not told that they |
| many new and strange things to learn | | | | would take him forcefully from my arms |
| about all at once. | | | | and rush him into surgery, locking me |
| 2. Find respectful, kind and skilled | | | | out of the room and ignoring my |
| caregivers now, and ask for your family | | | | protests. |
| to be accepted as their patients. If | | | | 7. All too often, medical personnel can |
| there is an emergency, you won’t have | | | | be intimidating and critical when their |
| time to check out recommendations. Ask | | | | procedures are questioned. And when a |
| your friends, other parents, La Leche | | | | child needs medical treatment, the |
| League leaders and anyone else whose | | | | parent is naturally distracted and |
| opinions you trust to recommend | | | | worried, making communication more |
| professionals who genuinely like | | | | difficult. For these reasons, it can be |
| children and respect their needs. | | | | very helpful to bring along an ally – |
| Holistic medical personnel such as | | | | a spouse, friend or relative with |
| naturopathic dentists and pediatricians | | | | similar views to step in if you are |
| are usually patient and kind with | | | | having difficulty communicating your |
| children. It can be well worth the extra | | | | wishes and to show that your views are |
| effort, such as driving to another town, | | | | not unique or odd. Your friend may also |
| to avoid traumatic medical experiences. | | | | have creative solutions you may not have |
| 3. Be aware that most adults, regardless | | | | considered, such as having the child on |
| of their profession, do not “get it” | | | | your lap during a dental appointment. |
| that children deserve to be treated with | | | | Whatever you suggest, be polite but |
| dignity and respect (most likely because | | | | assertive: “I’ll be staying with |
| they were not treated respectfully in | | | | her,” or “I’d prefer to stay, |
| their own childhoods). “Drive | | | | thank you,” and walk in as if you have |
| defensively” when medical treatment is | | | | given permission. |
| needed. Don’t assume that because | | | | 8. If the procedure is an elective one, |
| someone went to dental school, nursing | | | | remember that your legal consent is |
| school or medical school that they | | | | needed. If all else fails and your |
| understand the critical importance of | | | | child’s critical needs for support and |
| early childhood experience. This | | | | comfort are being ignored, make it clear |
| essential topic was almost certainly not | | | | that you can and will withdraw |
| covered in their classes. (A pediatric | | | | permission if necessary. If you find |
| dentist once criticized me for nursing | | | | yourself in a really difficult |
| my son in toddlerhood, even though one | | | | situation, ask to speak to the head |
| of the many benefits of nursing is to | | | | nurse, department head or hospital |
| help set the jaw properly and help | | | | administrator. Don’t be deceived by a |
| prevent the need for braces later on.) | | | | nurse’s claim that there is “no one |
| 4. Remember that medical professionals | | | | higher.” Again, having an ally present |
| can be very intimidating. The usual | | | | can be very helpful if the situation |
| argument for parent-child separation is | | | | requires such a confrontation. Remember |
| that medical personnel can “better get | | | | that you owe far more to your child than |
| their work done.” A helpful reply is | | | | to a stranger, regardless of their |
| that you also have work to do — to | | | | professional status. |
| provide critically important emotional | | | | 9. Be especially careful about making |
| support — and that with both of you | | | | promises to your child that you may not |
| doing your respective jobs, your child | | | | be able to keep. For example, before |
| will receive the best possible care. You | | | | promising to be present in the recovery |
| might remind them that everyone, child | | | | room, be sure that this is possible and |
| or adult, recuperates better and more | | | | that all relevant personnel are informed |
| quickly if given strong emotional | | | | of this plan. Although I had permission |
| support and that someone closely bonded | | | | from my son’s doctor to be present |
| to the child can best provide this. The | | | | when he awoke, the nurses on duty that |
| Charter of Rights for Children in | | | | day had not been informed. Broken |
| Hospitals includes recommendations that | | | | promises endanger the trust between |
| also apply to office visits (you have | | | | parent and child and should always be |
| our permission to print and share this | | | | avoided. |
| article). | | | | 10. Finally, send a letter after the |
| Be aware that children, like the | | | | procedure, letting the staff know what |
| elderly, often receive less pain | | | | worked and what didn’t. This type of |
| medication than do adults. A child can | | | | feedback is essential for effecting |
| experience great pain but feel powerless | | | | positive changes in our medical |
| to ask for help. Stay on your child’s | | | | institutions. And don’t limit such |
| side by validating his experience, and | | | | letters to negative experiences. |
| never hesitate to ask the staff for | | | | Applauding the efforts of staff members |
| immediate pain relief to be given to | | | | who were particularly supportive can be |
| your child. | | | | the most helpful feedback of all. |
| 5. Unless you have an emergency | | | | Even the most meticulous planning |
| situation, always meet the staff well in | | | | won’t guarantee that you aren’t |
| advance before scheduling an | | | | surprised by dental/medical procedures |
| appointment. Even so, be aware that no | | | | or policies. If something goes amiss, be |
| matter how cordial the staff may seem | | | | prepared to validate your child’s |
| during a preliminary meeting, that may | | | | feelings of being abandoned or betrayed. |
| say little about how they actually see | | | | Accept the anger and allow it to be |
| children. | | | | expressed safely (such as by providing |
| To find a professional who will work in | | | | pillows for pounding), and accept and |
| close partnership with your child as | | | | express your own anger and |
| well as with you, always bring the child | | | | disappointment. Tell your child how you |
| with you to see how they interact with | | | | feel, what you wish you had done and |
| him or her. Relying on even a glowing | | | | what your child deserved to have had |
| recommendation without first meeting the | | | | from you and from the doctor. Apologize |
| dentist, doctor or nurse may not be | | | | and reassure him that it was not |
| enough. Another family may have had a | | | | deliberate on your part. Show with your |
| good experience because of numerous | | | | words and actions that you are on his |
| factors that do not apply to you or your | | | | side, even though things went wrong. We |
| child: the doctor may have had more | | | | can only do the best we can, learn from |
| personal rapport with the other family, | | | | our mistakes and hopefully, do better |
| he or she may have been in a better mood | | | | next time. |