| 1. Well before treatment is needed, help your | | | | other family, he or she may have been in a |
| child to prepare emotionally for medical | | | | better mood at the time, their child may have |
| procedures. Play “dentist,†| | | | been older, more outgoing, or have had |
| “doctor†or | | | | previous positive experiences with medical |
| “hospital,†read relevant books | | | | dental visits. The procedure may also have |
| about children having medical treatment. To | | | | been different and not as difficult. |
| help your child become familiar with medical | | | | |
| instruments before treatment is needed, find | | | | 6. Ask for a detailed, step-by-step |
| real instruments (such as a rubber pick and | | | | description of what will happen during the |
| plastic dental mirror) or create | | | | entire appointment. If the staff is reluctant |
| “play†ones (such as using a | | | | to give this information to you, go |
| piece of fabric as a blood pressure wrap). | | | | elsewhere. When my son needed surgery, I |
| Medical treatment can be frightening to a | | | | asked for and received a very detailed |
| child, especially if there are too many new | | | | description of the procedure. Unfortunately, |
| and strange things to learn about all at | | | | I was not told that they would take him |
| once. | | | | forcefully from my arms and rush him into |
| | | | surgery, locking me out of the room and |
| 2. Find respectful, kind and skilled | | | | ignoring my protests. |
| caregivers now, and ask for your family to be | | | | |
| accepted as their patients. If there is an | | | | 7. All too often, medical personnel can be |
| emergency, you won’t have time to | | | | intimidating and critical when their |
| check out recommendations. Ask your friends, | | | | procedures are questioned. And when a child |
| other parents, La Leche League leaders and | | | | needs medical treatment, the parent is |
| anyone else whose opinions you trust to | | | | naturally distracted and worried, making |
| recommend professionals who genuinely like | | | | communication more difficult. For these |
| children and respect their needs. Holistic | | | | reasons, it can be very helpful to bring |
| medical personnel such as naturopathic | | | | along an ally – a spouse, friend or |
| dentists and pediatricians are usually | | | | relative with similar views to step in if you |
| patient and kind with children. It can be | | | | are having difficulty communicating your |
| well worth the extra effort, such as driving | | | | wishes and to show that your views are not |
| to another town, to avoid traumatic medical | | | | unique or odd. Your friend may also have |
| experiences. | | | | creative solutions you may not have |
| | | | considered, such as having the child on your |
| 3. Be aware that most adults, regardless of | | | | lap during a dental appointment. Whatever you |
| their profession, do not “get it†| | | | suggest, be polite but assertive: |
| that children deserve to be treated with | | | | “I’ll be staying with |
| dignity and respect (most likely because they | | | | her,†or “I’d prefer to |
| were not treated respectfully in their own | | | | stay, thank you,†and walk in as if you |
| childhoods). “Drive defensively†| | | | have given permission. |
| when medical treatment is needed. | | | | |
| Don’t assume that because someone went | | | | 8. If the procedure is an elective one, |
| to dental school, nursing school or medical | | | | remember that your legal consent is needed. |
| school that they understand the critical | | | | If all else fails and your child’s |
| importance of early childhood experience. | | | | critical needs for support and comfort are |
| This essential topic was almost certainly not | | | | being ignored, make it clear that you can and |
| covered in their classes. (A pediatric | | | | will withdraw permission if necessary. If you |
| dentist once criticized me for nursing my son | | | | find yourself in a really difficult |
| in toddlerhood, even though one of the many | | | | situation, ask to speak to the head nurse, |
| benefits of nursing is to help set the jaw | | | | department head or hospital administrator. |
| properly and help prevent the need for braces | | | | Don’t be deceived by a nurse’s |
| later on.) | | | | claim that there is “no one |
| | | | higher.†Again, having an ally present |
| 4. Remember that medical professionals can be | | | | can be very helpful if the situation requires |
| very intimidating. The usual argument for | | | | such a confrontation. Remember that you owe |
| parent-child separation is that medical | | | | far more to your child than to a stranger, |
| personnel can “better get their work | | | | regardless of their professional status. |
| done.†A helpful reply is that you also | | | | |
| have work to do — to provide | | | | 9. Be especially careful about making |
| critically important emotional support | | | | promises to your child that you may not be |
| — and that with both of you doing your | | | | able to keep. For example, before promising |
| respective jobs, your child will receive the | | | | to be present in the recovery room, be sure |
| best possible care. You might remind them | | | | that this is possible and that all relevant |
| that everyone, child or adult, recuperates | | | | personnel are informed of this plan. Although |
| better and more quickly if given strong | | | | I had permission from my son’s doctor |
| emotional support and that someone closely | | | | to be present when he awoke, the nurses on |
| bonded to the child can best provide this. | | | | duty that day had not been informed. Broken |
| The Charter of Rights for Children in | | | | promises endanger the trust between parent |
| Hospitals includes recommendations that also | | | | and child and should always be avoided. |
| apply to office visits (you have our | | | | |
| permission to print and share this article). | | | | 10. Finally, send a letter after the |
| | | | procedure, letting the staff know what worked |
| Be aware that children, like the elderly, | | | | and what didn’t. This type of feedback |
| often receive less pain medication than do | | | | is essential for effecting positive changes |
| adults. A child can experience great pain but | | | | in our medical institutions. And don’t |
| feel powerless to ask for help. Stay on your | | | | limit such letters to negative experiences. |
| child’s side by validating his | | | | Applauding the efforts of staff members who |
| experience, and never hesitate to ask the | | | | were particularly supportive can be the most |
| staff for immediate pain relief to be given | | | | helpful feedback of all. |
| to your child. | | | | |
| | | | Even the most meticulous planning |
| 5. Unless you have an emergency situation, | | | | won’t guarantee that you aren’t |
| always meet the staff well in advance before | | | | surprised by dental/medical procedures or |
| scheduling an appointment. Even so, be aware | | | | policies. If something goes amiss, be |
| that no matter how cordial the staff may seem | | | | prepared to validate your child’s |
| during a preliminary meeting, that may say | | | | feelings of being abandoned or betrayed. |
| little about how they actually see children. | | | | Accept the anger and allow it to be expressed |
| | | | safely (such as by providing pillows for |
| To find a professional who will work in close | | | | pounding), and accept and express your own |
| partnership with your child as well as with | | | | anger and disappointment. Tell your child how |
| you, always bring the child with you to see | | | | you feel, what you wish you had done and what |
| how they interact with him or her. Relying on | | | | your child deserved to have had from you and |
| even a glowing recommendation without first | | | | from the doctor. Apologize and reassure him |
| meeting the dentist, doctor or nurse may not | | | | that it was not deliberate on your part. Show |
| be enough. Another family may have had a good | | | | with your words and actions that you are on |
| experience because of numerous factors that | | | | his side, even though things went wrong. We |
| do not apply to you or your child: the doctor | | | | can only do the best we can, learn from our |
| may have had more personal rapport with the | | | | mistakes and hopefully, do better next time. |