| Why didn't I think of that? How many
| |
| | grapes...not 248 individual grapes...yes,
|
| times have we all asked that question?
| |
| | you do have 248 grapes, sir...but, they
|
| When it comes to humor, funny things
| |
| | are all in one bundle...am I confusing
|
| happen to us all the time. I think the
| |
| | you...or am I confusing ME?" The clerk
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| reason why more people don't have more
| |
| | smiled, but I didn't get the laugh I
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| humor in their lives, is because they
| |
| | thought I would get. So, when a person
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| don't CAPTURE the incident when it
| |
| | does spontaneous humor, you never know
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| happened! And, if you have a memory like
| |
| | what you're going to get. In this case,
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| mine (forget it), you will never,
| |
| | I didn't get what I wanted, but maybe
|
| remember the incident the way it
| |
| | that's was just "sour grapes" on my part!
|
| happened!I wrote this article, because I
| |
| | (pun intended)DECISIONS; DECISIONS:I'm
|
| want to show the reader how there is
| |
| | getting tired of making so many decisions
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| humor all over the place...IF you just
| |
| | during my lifetime! I need a break! It
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| look for it!AROUND THE HOME: I share
| |
| | seems like everywhere I go, I have to
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| with you some of things that happen
| |
| | make a decision...and it's getting old!*
|
| around the house and other places.A few
| |
| | I go into a department store to buy a
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| years ago, I was sick as a dog with a bad
| |
| | shirt, and go up to the counter to pay
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| cold and flu! I was in bed for about a
| |
| | for it, and the clerk asks me, "Sir, will
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| week! The chest congestion I had, was
| |
| | this be cash...or charge?"
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| so deep that I lost my voice to a
| |
| | (S-C-R-E-A-M!)* I go to the pizza joint,
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| whisper! Coughing all the time, made
| |
| | and order a pizza and the clerk asks me,
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| things worse! This agony lasted for about
| |
| | "Sir, do you want thick and chewy or thin
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| two weeks.One day, the doorbell rang, and
| |
| | and crispy?" (S-C-R-E-A-M!)* I go to the
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| with nobody around to answer the door, I
| |
| | ice cream store to get some ice cream,
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| got up and answered it. There was a
| |
| | and the clerk asks me, "Sir, do you want
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| young man standing there who was about
| |
| | a cup or a cone?" (S-C-R-E-A-M!)* I go
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| fourteen years of age and he
| |
| | into the grocery store to pick up a few
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| said:Newspaper boy: "I'm collecting for
| |
| | items, and I pay for them and the bag boy
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| the morning newspaper, sir."And, in a
| |
| | or girl asks me, "Sir, do you want
|
| WHISPERING voice I asked, "How much is
| |
| | plastic or paper?" (S-C-R-E-A-M!)* *
|
| it?"In his own WHISPERING voice the paper
| |
| | *
|
| boy responded, "$7.50."At which time I
| |
| | I've been a football fan most of my life
|
| responded in a WHISPERING voice, "Oh, you
| |
| | and I like to watch a game on occasion.
|
| don't have to WHISPER, young man, I have
| |
| | When my wife and I were dating, I asked
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| a terrible cold and the flu, and I lost
| |
| | her if she liked football and if she knew
|
| my voice!"Again, the young man responded
| |
| | anything about the game. Her answer,
|
| in a WHISPERING voice, "Whether I WHISPER
| |
| | "Sure, I know a lot about football." I
|
| or not, sir, the bill is still
| |
| | was a little skeptical, so I gave her a
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| $7.50!"Here are two people WHISPERING at
| |
| | little quiz, and asked her what's a
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| the front door, as if we were in a
| |
| | first down. Her answer, "That's the
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| library. During this short exchange with
| |
| | first player that gets knocked down,"
|
| the paper boy, the more I laughed at what
| |
| | she said.
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| was happening the more painful it was!
| |
| | (somebody get me some aspirin!)* *
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| As you can see, there can be humor
| |
| | *
|
| knocking at your front door.IN THE WORK
| |
| | Because my computer blew up, I was going
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| PLACE:I knew a man and wife, named Kathy
| |
| | to a local community college located
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| and Rick Nelson, who worked at the same
| |
| | near-by to use their computers, until I
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| company I did. They had a baby, and were
| |
| | could replace mine. The computer lab has
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| having trouble coming up with a name that
| |
| | about 65-70 computers for students and
|
| they could both agree on. This
| |
| | public use. One day, a woman came into
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| tug-of-war between them went on for
| |
| | the lab, and searched all around the lab
|
| weeks, and they still couldn't come up
| |
| | to see if there was a computer available.
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| with a name for their baby that they
| |
| | That day, it was a packed house and no
|
| could agree on. So, they decided to put
| |
| | computers were available. She asked me
|
| a notice up on the blackboard in the
| |
| | what she could do, and in my, "off the
|
| break room at work, and to ask
| |
| | wall humor," I said to her, "Why don't
|
| fellow-employees for any suggestions they
| |
| | you yell out FIRE!"STOP; LOOK AND
|
| may have for the Nelson's baby. The
| |
| | LISTEN...and, if you do that, you'll get
|
| following
| |
| | more ideas and more ideas for humor! In
|
| suggestions appeared for the Nelson's
| |
| | today's fast-paced society, people are
|
| baby:Baby Face Nelson
| |
| | running around so fast, I don't think
|
| Full Nelson (wrestling term)
| |
| | they know if they're coming or going.
|
| Half-Nelson (wrestling term)OUT IN THE
| |
| | STOP! People have to slow down a little!
|
| STREETS AND AROUND TOWN:Something that
| |
| | They have to stop and smell the roses.
|
| really annoys me, is when I go into a
| |
| | Set a little time aside for
|
| store through the IN door...there is
| |
| | yourself...free of cell phones, lap tops;
|
| somebody coming the other way and goes
| |
| | and no Blackberry, no blueberries, no
|
| OUT through the IN door! And, when I
| |
| | strawberries; no wine berries; no
|
| finish taking care of my business in the
| |
| | cranberries...do you get my drift ?LOOK:
|
| store, I proceed OUT the OUTdoor...only
| |
| | Pay more attention to the things around
|
| to have somebody come IN the OUT door!
| |
| | you. As you saw the newspaper boy story;
|
| I've never been a conformist, so maybe I
| |
| | the Nelson's and the baby story; the
|
| should change my ways. Next time I go to
| |
| | things in a store. One of the most
|
| the store, I should do what everybody
| |
| | important tools that I do, is to carry a
|
| else does. Go IN the OUT door and come
| |
| | small spiral notebook with me, so ideas
|
| OUT the IN door!
| |
| | don't get away. Even if I just jot down
|
| (People who do this, have what I call,
| |
| | one word, I can remember it later on and
|
| that "ice cream truck mentality,"
| |
| | work on the idea. It seems like when I
|
| ding-a-ling...ding-a-ling!)* *
| |
| | write something down, I'll remember it,
|
| *
| |
| | but if I don't I have trouble
|
| I love this one. One day, I was craving
| |
| | remembering. Try it for a while.LISTEN:
|
| for an ice cream cone, one day, so I
| |
| | Stop talking about yourself so much, and
|
| went into a fast-food restaurant and
| |
| | listen to others for a change! They're
|
| ordered one. The young man behind the
| |
| | are people in this country who are so
|
| counter asked me, "Sir, do you want that
| |
| | obsessed, and see nobody else but
|
| ice cream cone for HERE...or do you want
| |
| | themselves. Example: Driving in the
|
| it to GO?"
| |
| | morning, there are people who go to
|
| (Hell-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!)
| |
| | work...as they admire themselves in the
|
| (Please don't make me scream!)IF YOU
| |
| | rear-view mirror. You know the
|
| DON'T SEE ANYTHING FUNNY...WHY DON'T YOU
| |
| | type...throwing kisses to
|
| MAKE SOMETHING UP:Most of us have a
| |
| | themselves...not a hair out of place; the
|
| craving for something at some time or
| |
| | make-up and lipstick are just fine ; a
|
| another...Mexican food, pickles; donuts
| |
| | little powder puff on the nose...and,
|
| and so forth. One day, I was craving
| |
| | I've seen a lot of WOMEN do this, too, on
|
| green seedless grapes, and I had to have
| |
| | their way to work! I think we're talking
|
| some, or I was going to go crazy! So, I
| |
| | about listening, here...are you
|
| went to the grocery store and got the
| |
| | listening? HELLO?Nobody starts out in
|
| grapes. When I went to pay for the
| |
| | any endeavor as a professional. I have a
|
| grapes, I thought I would have a little
| |
| | big advantage, when it comes to humor,
|
| fun with the grocery clerk.The Express
| |
| | because I've been in it for over forty
|
| line sign reads: "20 items or less."
| |
| | years. So, it's been a long learning
|
| There was nobody around in the express
| |
| | period for me, and it will be a long
|
| line, so I headed over there to check
| |
| | learning period for you, too! But,
|
| out, and I asked the clerk, "I have about
| |
| | everyone has to start someplace, and if
|
| 248 seedless grapes here, and I'm over
| |
| | you're interested in getting more humor
|
| the limit, so can you check me out since
| |
| | into your life, I encourage you to do so.
|
| there are lines over at the other
| |
| | Good luck! And, as the Humor Doctor
|
| registers? The clerk looked at me like I
| |
| | always says, "Take two aspirin, and DON'T
|
| needed help. "Yes, I can check you out
| |
| | ever call me in the morning!
|
| here, because you only have ONE bundle of
| |
| |
|
